Emmrich and The Journey Of Self-Realization and Expansion
While I’m still making my way through Dragon Age: The Veilguard, I couldn’t help connecting to Emmrich’s storyline — especially if gone the Lich route — in a unique way with my own return to hinduism and my life-long dedication to spiritual and mental awareness, as well as personal growth outside of the realm of ego. Emmrich Volkarin, a mage with an affinity for the dead hailing from Nevarra, begins his journey of Self long before he meets our hero, but that realization is something we as players are privileged to be witness to and that’s what I wanted to talk about today.
Now with audio! https://on.soundcloud.com/d7hctixU4CaGkCuE7
Without going into too much spoiler-y territory — outside of the obvious spoiler that there is a choice to give him the freedom to realize his lifelong dream of Lichdom or to have him stay rooted in current patterns and attachment — I wanted to dive into the final part of his quest: the quest of Self. There comes a point in the story against the gods where Emmrich must make a choice: does he plunge headfirst into what is meant for him despite the lifetime of fears and the unknown, or does he seek the temporary comforts for a more immediate facilitation of self-satisfaction. If you know me, you know one of my favorite things to say is that if you are on the path to self-reflection and Truth, you must be prepared to die a billion times and evolve just one more than that. In Hinduism, as well as many other spiritual philosophies, that death comes from the conquering of human distractions and weighted attachment. Now that’s not to say that attachment is bad, nor that you should detach stoically. But ideally, one would react in mind and spirit the same way to winning the lottery as they would losing a loved one. Not out of callousness, but an understanding that nothing in this world is permanent and that nothing belongs to you. You are not a human having a spiritual experience, but a spirit (energy, soul, whatever you want to call it) having a human experience. It’s a cycle. Energy is the one thing in the universe that cannot die, it is outside of the laws of nature and demand of duality. But it must be preserved. It must destroy to create and create to expand. Energy is — for lack of a better term — data and a constant influx of data is needed to “keep the machines running.” That’s where we come in. These little data pockets experiencing life and expanding our energy. But, only a few realize that true Self is something that can never die (eternal life, does that symbolism ring any bells for you?) but we come to this experience forgetting that true Self. The self that doesn’t get attached to goals and external validation, but the Self that is a spark of energy, the energy that is connected and continuously feeding into the collective — the Self that is Shiva, that is everything and nothing at the same time. The grand paradox.
When Emmrich is faced with the decision to abandon his lifelong goal of Lichdom, a path for death mages to abandon mortal limitations and attachments for immortal presence, he is faced with a choice: give up his goal to save Manfred, a being that was never meant to come into physical existence and “died” fulfilling his purpose, or continue to his path recognizing that he must accept the death of his companion not in abandonment, but in appreciation for the time he did have with Manfred and a dedication to continue on with his own purpose just as Manfred did with his. In the relation to my own spiritual journey, “Manfred” can be seen as career goals — especially hyper-specific ones, relationships — both platonic and romantic, and any attempt to control the path of life when there are so many components outside of your control and outside of your vantage point. Sometimes jobs, friends, situations that are not meant to be there for your whole life, they are meant to be a lesson for something that has been trying to make itself known but distraction keeps the self from seeing it for what it is: a looping pattern designed to keep you in a circular path that cannot fathom expansion because it is limited within a certain view. A human view, which is inherently flawed and incredibly limited. The choice then to become Lich is not an abandonment of self, but a plunge into Self while still maintaining current duties. Becoming one with one’s true nature, the everlasting nature, while still being an active participant in the current world. The current time. It’s not desensitizing, this detachment. Quite the opposite. Freedom from the burden of limited thinking, the illusion of control, and the illusion of something that will always be temporary allows for one to live how they are meant to: with exuberance and with a thirst for life. A thirst that is realized when the true nature of the temporal nature is not only known, but understood. Then, freedom happens. Then, life happens.
Becoming Lich isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s something he’s worked his entire life towards: learning everything he can about life, death, and everything in between. Learning focus and stillness, and seeing the life that breathes in utter quiet. Quiet: a breeding ground for alignment. Alignment: a breeding ground for truth. This is what many spiritual practices focus on: using specific lenses to understand grander pictures while still within the confines of limited thinking. Kali isn’t something that’s like “Yo, dawg, what's up, let’s slay some demons.” She’s the manifestation of the energy needed when fear is a blocker. Slaying the demons of distraction: attachment, fear, ignorance. Shiva, for when stillness is needed when distraction keeps you busy. Hanuman, when distraction becomes too much and the thirst for truth and Self is dulled and forced into the background. Jesus, for when that connection to Self is severed and a reminder is needed; a path forward is needed. Whatever cultural lens needed is irrelevant, it’s the themes that are important — themes that take dedication and a desire to learn in order to understand.
Emmrich’s fear of that last step is rooted in the fear of the unknown. “Does this mean I have to give up my dream of ‘x dream career?!’?” Fear that is derived from an innate understanding about the cliff edge that lays ahead that on some level, we know contains everything. Which is scary! Because our minds physically cannont comprehend everything because our world is made up only of things that we have encountered — both physically or through stories — and our own limitations. But it’s the only path forward, because the energy cannot die. You simply repeat the cycle until the pattern is broken, and that pattern is realizing the difference between Self and myself. The former is Truth, the latter is a distraction that is comfortable because it’s what we can perceive with our own two eyes. Faith is a common denominator in many philosophies and the reason why is not because you should be a bumbling idiot going along with whatever Tom, Dick, and Harry shows you something shiny. But Faith in Self and a dedication to that rediscovery despite the cost being time and the relinquishing of control.
Emmrich’s story is a Thedas-fied representation of that difficult and — let’s be honest — terrifying choice. But it’s a choice you have to make, one way or another. And if you continuously ignore that choice, the universe will keep you in patterns that do not suit you until you are forced to make a change. Dream jobs suddenly turned into nightmares, relationships that take a hard-pivot south, a sudden lack of joy in previous vices. It’s all Self trying to redirect self to truth.
Or maybe I’m crazy and I’m looking too much into a video game. Who the hell am I, you know? I’m just a being who has made amazing strides towards self through meditation and learning just like many others. But for those that have been toeing this journey, I hope this connection puts that journey into understandable terms. Or, at the very least, helps you appreciate a storyline in a new, perhaps more relatable way.
I hope you never stop striving for Self. You can’t be a light if you’re not comfortable in Darkness. There is no need for light if there is not darkness, and the darkness continues to spread where there is no light. Light is not joyful ignorance, it is a glaring truth. One that makes many uncomfortable, but a light is what you are. It’s who you are, it’s what you are. I hope you continue striving for Self and that your journey provides the metamorphosis you are waiting for. It’s time to come home.
